i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
