these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
