this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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