i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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