hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
