Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
