Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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