I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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