GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
