I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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