Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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