So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
