wanna go halves on a baby?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
