Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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