i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
