Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
The maid of honor just puked.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You ruined the universe
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
