the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
