Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
