just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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