Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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