He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Ladies don't puke and tell
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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