Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Randomize
