Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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