im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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