it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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