guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
