We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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