i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
