I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
