I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
