Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You have to summon your inner elephant
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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