my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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