i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You are the jesus of drinking
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
