I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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