At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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