I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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