Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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