Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
they're like a gay fantastic four
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
