i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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