i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize