I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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