I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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