I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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