i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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