he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Houston, we have a squirter
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
