i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
