I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
