a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
