the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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