just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
