i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
