he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
