this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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