Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize