Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
