He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
