If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
