Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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