you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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