Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
