You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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