so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
