I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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