do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
