dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
