AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
