before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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