everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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