Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
