His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
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