that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
