I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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